Now that last week is out of our way, we have our bachelors and are ready for the “journey” to begin! I don’t know about you all but I get so excited for dates to start. Some spoiler sites out there would say no one cares about the journey…the public just wants to know who wins. For me it’s the exact opposite. I want to get to know all the guys (not the three or four that are most controversial) and see relationships
go down in flames form. These recaps are the most fun to write, so here we go!
What would a season be without Chris Harrison coming in and breaking down the rules of the game for everyone. Chris, why are you doing this? What, do you think one of these guys went all “The Vow” on us, got a brain injury and doesn’t remember what he’s doing? Oh, wait…
Too soon? I kid, I kid. Chawwwwlie I adore you. The jokes are all in good fun
First one on one date card arrives. Drum rollllll……..RYAN!
Wooo! Ryan is one of my faves and I couldn’t be more excited for him. Why, you may ask. Well, when’s the last time the person with the first date was the last one standing? What’s that? Did you say never? Perfect
“My pastor always said, if you treat a woman like a queen, she’ll treat you like a king.” Yup, that’s what Ryan says after reading the date card. He’s on The Bachelorette and he’s quoting his pastor. When Emily arrives to pick him up, he asks if he can take her hand. When they arrive at Emily’s house to have a casual day making cookies he asks if he is coming in. I mean, really? Where are guys like this kept? I’m convinced there is an island where men with manners are hoarded. Along with all the straight male models. And Channing Tatum.
Other major pluses for Ryan during this date:
He’s a man that can carry all the groceries in at one time. So crucial.
He’s a man that knows the difference between a deep v and a perfect v and a man that knows how tight a shirt should be.
He’s a man that can pass the door test. What’s the door test? See below (possibly NSFW so watch with caution)…
Later on in the date Emily and Ryan zoom off to get all fancy for the red carpet treatment.
Emily says that when something goes on in Charlotte, everyone knows about it, hence the crowd. I say producers told everyone to be there. Tomato, tomahhhto.
Emily shows us this season is going to be polar opposite from every other one in that she comes out guns blazing with tough questions. Ryan is quick on his feet and has honest and great answers for each of her questions. I think what I like best about his approach is that every answer he gives is in the grand scheme of things. He says he wants Em to get what she wants and hopes that it may be him. He says she should be protective and cautious. Every answer he gives isn’t sugar coated and forcing himself as the man at the end. He puts her and her happiness first and hopes that he can be part of it. Being able to see her happiness as the main goal (and not selfishly wanting his own happiness) is really hard to do in this setting and he seems to have his head on straight. Emily approves and he gets the rose!
The only negative I have from this date in regards to Em and Ryan is the awkward dance scene. I don’t know about y’all but, when I’m dancing with a guy I’m into, or hanging out with a guy I’m into, I can’t stop looking in their eyes. Em almost avoids eye contact while dancing. Granted, this could be because of the crazy fans all around but this isn’t exactly a neon sign flashing “final one” either.
The men arrive thinking they’re going to do some sort of performance. Emily says that if anyone knows how to put on a variety show, it’s these guys (referring to the Muppets). I say if anyone knows how to win a role in the new Broadway musical, Newsies, it’s Stevie:
What is with this hat?!
Honestly (and this says a lot since I work for Disney), I was totally bored by this date and normally I love bacon! The only glimmer of interest I showed during this date was when sweet, sweet Chawwwwwlie got nervous and insecure. This guy is running a close race to be my new fave guy. He’s not afraid (ok, maybe he’s a little afraid) to say what’s on his mind, show his insecurities and take a hit. Which is why I am TOTALLY ticked off when Jef gets the group date rose. Say what??? We didn’t hear Jef utter a single word, Emily has to confront him and he puts the whole state of Texas between them while talking, but HE gets the rose?
The only positive that comes out of Jef getting the group date rose now because of needing reassurance is that he has no excuse to be coy, to sit back or be insecure. Emily just gave him reassurance. She just took the reins, told him she’s trying to get his attention and took a stance in front of the entire group to say she’s interested. If he doesn’t take that hint, he should just pack his flowbee and hit the road.
Last one on one date of the epi goes to Joe. Em treats him to a private jet to her home state of West Virginia and they go to a place she has visited since she was a little girl. Emily has been visiting a royal palace since she was little?
Whelp, it’s safe to say we grew up in two different worlds.
Hey, Em. You know how you know you’re the lead and not simply one of the random chicks on The Bachelor? You jump in the water and they never show your make-up all drippy, smudged and wet dog hair. Lucky girl.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Kalon gets in it with Doug. Kalon thinks he put being a dad on hold by coming on the show, all Doug can say is “check it” and all I can think of is Kasey and “kick rocks.” I’m not even going to touch this subject because you can’t win with either side. I can see what Kalon is saying but you never critique the parenting skills of someone you don’t know.
Joe and Emily move on to the never eaten dinner portion of the date and, again, Em is shooting lasers. I mean, maybe the guys didn’t really think too hard about the situations they would be put in, and maybe it’s my nature to be over prepared, but how did he NOT think about all the possible hard questions he could get before going on the show? How is he not prepped for these? Joe looked like a deer in headlights when he couldn’t seem to give Emily the answers she was looking for and eventually gets sent home at the end of the night. My heart definitely breaks for him because he didn’t see it coming. Emily is pretty heartbroken about it too which just goes to show how serious she is about only keeping men around that she can see a future with…no matter how “nice” or “sweet” they may be. PS: we thought departures from past seasons were harsh? Imagine being Joe, leaving his date after not getting the rose, seeing fireworks as if Emily is rejoicing that he is gone. Rough, producers, rough.
Time to send two dudes home. Emily takes time to chat with everyone but of course there has to be some drama and this comes with Ryan taking time with Emily. Yes, he has a rose. Yes, his letter is 7 pages long. BUT, Emily could’ve read it at another time. Emily could’ve told Tony to come back later. Tony could’ve had a brain and left. All that situation was missing was creepy music and The Mask to come up and wait alongside him. Before you guys go all judge-y on Ryan you have to realize this is a show. Certain aspects are produced because the audience needs to see something. Was this all a work of producers? I don’t know. Is it possible, definitely. Plus, think of it this way. After an amazing date with someone you are excited, you can’t wait to see them again and you want to talk to them to let them know exactly how much you enjoyed your time. Well, on this show you can’t exactly text the person and you can’t pick up a phone. Ryan did the one thing he could to relay how he felt. While on this show the last thing you want to be is reserved. You need to open up, you need to say what you feel. So what if it took 7 pages. He was open and for that I’m sure Emily was grateful for the reassurance.
Somehow, someway Alejandro (does anyone else think of the Lady Gaga song every time you hear his name?), Alessandro, ponytail dude and the Newsies backup dancer made it to next week. Oy vey. Next week will be interesting to say the least!