What an emotional roller coaster of an episode! I found myself crying and laughing over and over again…oh the powers of Bachelor Pad!
Before I start my recap I feel like I must address something. I told myself I wouldn’t put a disclaimer at the top of each blog explaining my position in all of this craziness (because apparently I give readers too much credit), but maybe one in general is needed. The flack that a lot of former cast get on twitter, our blogs, and the Bachelor Pad Beatdown is, in my mind, over the top. 1) Much like the show was created to entertain you, our tweets and blogs are here to do the same. You don’t read them to get a recap, you read for our insight and humor. Keep in mind that much of what we say is exaggerated. We may mean what we say, but the way we say it is only to entertain. 2) Unlike the MASS majority of readers and commenters, I actually KNOW some of these people. Why someone who has NEVER met a cast member on this show would jump to their defense, I have no idea. I would trust an opinion of someone who has been there, done that, before believing what I saw on a TV show. 3) My opinions are based SOLELY on what I am seeing on the show, combined with first hand knowledge. These are in no way a judgment on them as a person. It’s commentary on how they are edited and how they are acting on the show. So please, take all comments on twitter, my blog and Bachelor Pad Beatdown with a grain of salt and know that I have zero ill feelings towards anyone as an actual person. For those of you that have laughed along with me, I thank you for having a sense of humor and appreciating mine. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, on to my recap
The second this competition is rolled out I’m so mad I’m not on this season! As a former college softball player (no, not in the same light as Kasey was a former baseball player and Vienna a former softball player-little league doesn’t count) I would have dominated. I can’t tell you how frustrated I get seeing females with zero athletic ability.
Yeah…that’d be a miss for the “softball player”
That frustration shoots through the roof when I see guys with zero athletic ability.
It’s clear that these folks have never been in a do-or-die situation because most collapsed under pressure ala Ed Swiderski in the fantasy suite. ABC really pulled out all the stops on these questions. What I wonder is why there wasn’t much strategizing during this competition. I would’ve picked the guy with the broadest back, aka the largest target, and aimed for him on every question…and done so OVERHAND. Enough with this lobbing of an egg. Throw that sucker…it has to BREAK to get the point! While the questions were a bit on the cruel side, take a look at who is answering them. Do you really care what these people think?! Be confident in yourself! And didn’t you watch last season? This type of challenge was guaranteed to pop up again and attack at every insecurity you’ve ever had about yourself. Didn’t you handle those demons in the psych screening before you came on? I started to feel bad for Erica until she compared herself to Ella and started ragging on her. Yes, that’s just the way to make yourself feel better…drag someone else down with you. Yikes.
Melissa and Michael end up winning the challenge and (to Michael’s relief) get to take three people on a date rather than the other person that won. To make up for the harm done during the challenge Michael picks Erica, Michelle and Holly. And in a surprise twist ABC sends them back home aka the insane asylum. I kid, I kid.
1: Michael is easily scared
2: Michael is clearly not over Holly
This was one of the most honest and open conversations I have ever heard on any one of the shows in the Bachelor franchise. I can’t speak enough to how touching Michael’s conversation with Holly is. I was bawling, as I’m sure most of you were. In the words of Kasey, I now want to kick rocks at Holly for breaking his heart. I’m not sure why/how they broke up but I’m Team Michael. But Holly looks so sad and confused as well. I can’t pick sides in this debacle…it’s so sad!
Next up Melissa gets to take Kirk, Blake and Kasey on a yacht. How is this fair? Going from a loony bin to a yacht. Before everyone departs on this lovely date we see Melissa telling Kasey he is getting the rose and that she’s pretty much his slave to do whatever with. I completely understand aligning with the stronger powers in the house but, as is the case in all things, there is a fine line between determined and desperate. On the boat we see Blake pulling out all the tricks to get this rose.
We encounter a very awkward make-out session between Blake and Melissa and soon after Kasey and Kirk set sail on a dingy reminiscent of a scene in Jaws.
Now some of you may think this move by Blake was cruel. I, on the other hand, don’t see anything wrong with this. It’s a game. There’s 250k on the line. I’d be doing just about anything to get it as well. And as a player in this game, if you have power, aka the ability to save someone with a rose, shouldn’t your guard be up? If this dude hasn’t given much more than a glance until now, chances are he doesn’t deserve the rose.
After the dates we see Vienna scared to talk to Jake without Kasey present, Gia giving Graham some pointers on how to win (um, if your pointers are so great, why aren’t you winning this thing?) and Jackie and Ames sucking face. And oh yeah…the most awkward “threesome” on the face of the planet.
Melissa begins to lose it when she realizes that Blake is not the slightest bit into her. Yes, I totally get that he should have manned up and just told her he’s into Holly. But at the same time, this is a game that requires you to use the position and power of other people and Blake was drawn to her only because she held the power of saving him. Melissa wasn’t upset that Blake wasn’t telling her he’s into Holly, she was upset because she got played by him. She fell for a guy and saved him thinking it would lead to a relationship and when it didn’t she went all Elizabeth Kitt on his butt. Props to Melissa for learning from her experiences, though, and bringing gum with her on this season. Don’t want that onion pizza sneaking up on ya!
As the sanity begins to unravel Gia realizes that her only alliance in the house is hated by all and that he can’t get her to the end, so she leaves. In tears. It only took her last season and two episodes of this season to realize this game isn’t for her. She’s a quick one.
As if Gia leaving wasn’t enough, Chris Harrison’s announcement to the house that TWO GIRLS ARE GOING HOME shakes everyone! Dun dun dunnnnnnnn. Vienna declares that this is cheating. I declare that she should shut her mouth. Chris Harrison is God in that house. Watch out for lightning, honey. Far better than producers switching up the game in order to keep Jake around is when Chris slaps V with a dose of reality by reinforcing the fact that no one is keeping her here. The doors are wide open and “The cabs are here!” to take you home if you don’t want to stay. Awww shoot, Chris layin’ it down. This guy is seriously the best.
Everyone casts their votes and Jackie is sent home. I’m not sure why her and Ella were the two on the chopping block but whatever.
In the most sincere display of love and affection we see Amesbot suddenly realize he can’t be without Jackie and he races off to the limo to leave with her. The look on his face was priceless.
It’s what I imagined Einstein looked like when he realized E=MC2. Seriously. Love this guy.
Tune in next week as we continue to see the sanity slowly seep out of the house and craziness take hold!